


if you talk (you're gonna get shot)

by Marvelgeek42



Series: some day, some day (yeah) [6]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Español | Spanish, F/F, F/M, Français | French, Gen, M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Marquis de Lafayette, Texting, and everyone is afraid, basically (spoiler) there's a shooter, i guess??, it starts out cute and then goes downhill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 04:43:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11570574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvelgeek42/pseuds/Marvelgeek42
Summary: A.Burr:Please tell me that this is a horrible horrible joke that someone blackmailed you to play.A.Burr:PleaseLafayette:^^ i agreeA.Ham:I wish it was, guys. I wish it was.





	if you talk (you're gonna get shot)

**Author's Note:**

> What am I doing?  
> Why am I doing this?
> 
> I have an age reference for everyone, but am too lazy to type it up unless requested. But Philip is almost 18 and everyone keeps their original age difference, because I did too much research on that to change it. I also have a chart of who is dating whom and who has what job, if anyone needs that.
> 
> Also, everyone is an actual historical person, even if I'm still working on how everything got to this point. The verse is in the planning process.
> 
> The app is vaguely based on Discord, which means that one person can have different names in different chats.
> 
> There are hover translations, but the English text is also in the end note of the chapter.
> 
> If I am being disrespectful, please do tell me.

**A.Ham** **_created a chat_ **

**A.Ham** **_changed the chat’s name to_ ** **“for the children’s sake”**

 **A.Ham** **_added_ ** **A.Burr** **_and_ ** **TJeffs** **_to_ ** **“for the children’s sake”**

 

 **TJeffs:** What is this? Why am I here?

 **TJeffs:** I don’t like you and you don’t like me, so why is there a group chat with /Burr/ of all people??

 **A.Burr:** I am offended.

 **A.Ham:** Okay, I am well aware that neither of you are going to like this - and believe me, neither do I - but I am afraid that we will at least have to attempt to like each other. The reason for that is - as you might have guessed from the name of the chat - for the sake of our children. More precisely, Philip, Mary, Angelica, and Theodosia.

 **A.Burr:** What about them?

 **TJeffs:** Please don’t tell me…

 **A.Ham:** You guessed it.

 **A.Ham:** Yesterday I caught Mary attempting to sneak into my house to visit Philip who came down and “confessed” when I called him.

 **A.Ham:** And Angelica who happened to be on her way to the kitchen, where we were sat, blurted out she and Theodosia are together.

 **TJeffs:** I won’t allow that.

 **A.Burr:** Are you sure that is a good idea?

 **TJeffs:** So you’re saying you’re happy with your oldest daughter is dating a Hamilspawn, a female one at that.

 **A.Burr:** Don’t be a homophobe, Jefferson. But yes, I am not entirely comfortable with the idea.

 **A.Burr:** And Hamilton’s been typing for a minute now…

 **A.Ham:** Listen here, you fucker. First of all, your daughter is a legal adult in every possible sense of the phrase. She has the right to make her own decisions. This isn’t the 1700s where you could simply marry her off to some first cousin instead. If she wants to date my son then let them be. It’s not like their age difference is a huge issue at this point. A few years ago, this would have been an entirely different story, but I trust Philip to be responsible enough to make his own choices, even if you don’t seem to extend the same trust to your daughter. Second, get your head out of your own arse, Jeffershit. It’s the 21st century. Homosexuality is not a sin or unnatural. And even if it were, the first shouldn’t bother you as an atheist and the second because most things in an average person’s life - yours included - are unnatural. Or please tell me in what way a phone or your fancy private jet is natural. But back to the point, Homosexuality is legal and if they wanted to, Angelica and Theo could even get married in a few years. And maybe they will. Because I may be a selfish asshole and, contrary to you, self-aware enough to realize that, but I am not enough of one to place my own happiness over the one of my children. Unless they break up completely on their own accord, they are going to stay together. John, Eliza, Maria, and Theodosia (Snr.) think the same way and will be reaching out to her siblings any minute and John will inform Lafayette and Hercules. You can bet that they are going to see this the same way. Good luck fighting against all of them.

 **A.Burr:** How do you type that fast?

 **A.Ham:** Talent and practice.

 **A.Burr:** And I agree. They are old enough to make their own choices. Even if I don’t necessarily like them.

 **A.Ham:** I’m also not saying that we suddenly have to be best friends or anything. Just civil enough not to kill each other over a semi-hypothetical family dinner.

 **TJeffs:** Semi-hypothetical?

 **A.Ham:** Eliza mentioned inviting you for this year’s White Man’s Holiday.

 **TJeffs:** What?

 **A.Burr:** Since Columbus Day already passed, he’s talking about Thanksgiving.

 **TJeffs:** That’s not going to happen.

 **A.Ham:** I thought you knew Angelica Schuyler Church.

 **TJeffs:** I do???

 **A.Ham:** Did you forget my Eliza is her sister? And that Angelica will do anything so that Eliza is happy? If Eliza decides your family is coming, you /will/ be coming.

 **TJeffs:** My family and I will not be spending Thanksgiving at your disgusting family’s house.

 **A.Ham:** You can insult me all you want, I can take it, but leave my family out of this!

 **TJeffs:** Why should I? Your arrangement with your wife, Laurens, and that whore Reynolds is just wrong.

 **A.Ham:** Just because you are not polyamorous or panromantic and -sexual doesn’t mean that no one is. Also, stop slut shaming Maria and calling her Reynolds. James Reynolds is a dick and the two have never been married and Maria left that asshole before Susan was born, so that’s NOT her name.

 **A.Ham:** Good luck surviving the dinner.

 **TJeffs:** I won’t be attending.

 **A.Ham:** Good luck telling the women that.

 **A.Burr:** Doesn’t President Washington attend those dinners?

 **A.Ham:** Yes, he and Martha have been attending every dinner for almost two decades. Lafayette and xeir family also join whenever they are in the country.

 **A.Burr:** Are you sure there will be space for us? Since the Lafayettes will be staying for a few months and all.

 **A.Ham:** Somehow there always is.

 **A.Ham:** I’ve stopped questioning it years ago.

 **A.Ham:** I’m sure the women are somehow behind it.

 **A.Ham:** Jefferson, I can see you typing, that better not be a sexist remark.

 **A.Ham:** I am trying to get us to be civil here.

 **A.Ham:** And that would NOT be helping.

 **A.Burr:** I have to agree here.

 **A.Ham:** Thank you, Burr.

 **A.Ham:** I think the two of us may actually manage to be civil to each other again.

 **A.Burr:** I believe I would like that.

 **A.Ham:** Same here, actually.

 **TJeffs:** Incredible.

 **A.Ham:** Really?

 **A.Burr:** Calm down, both of you. Fighting is the exact opposite of what we are trying to do here.

 **A.Ham:** You’re right, Burr.

 **A.Burr:** Glad you finally acknowledge it. Also, don’t you have any work to do?

 **A.Ham:** Not until something new comes in. I’ve gotten far enough ahead that I can focus on this right now.

 **A.Burr:** Unfortunately, I do have work to do, as I presume does Jefferson, so maybe attempt to distract yourself in some other way?

 **A.Ham:** You’re right. I’ll do something else to

 **A.Ham:** Oh shit

 **A.Ham:** Oh shit.

 

 **A.Ham** **_added_** **GWash** ** _,_** **JMads,** ** _and_** **Lafayette** ** _to_** **“for the children’s sake”**

 

 **A.Ham:** repurposing this chat bc this is the fastest way i can think of

 **A.Ham:** this is an emergency!!!

 **GWash:** Alexander, what is happening?

 **A.Ham:** there’s a dude with two AK-47 walking towards this building and he looks pretty damn determined to shoot everyone in here.

 **A.Burr:** Please tell me that this is a horrible horrible joke that someone blackmailed you to play.

 **A.Burr:** Please

 **Lafayette:** ^^ i agree

 **A.Ham:** I wish it was, guys. I wish it was.

 **JMads:** Fuck, I hear him.

 **Lafayette:** Je ne veux pas mourir.

 **TJeffs:** Did someone call the police?

 **GWash:** There is no time to evacuate.

 **JMads:** so what do we do?

 **TJeffs:** there must be something

 **GWash:** I do not think there is anything we can do except warn others.

* * *

**“Polysquad”**

**_(group consists of_ ** **Hamslice** ** _,_ ** **Elizard** ** _,_ ** **Turtles** ** _, and_ ** **Mistress** ** _)_ **

 

 **Hamslice:** guys

 **Hamslice:** guys

 **Hamslice:** guys

 **Hamslice:** guys

 **Hamslice:** guys

 **Hamslice:** guys

 **Hamslice:** guys

 **Elizard:** Did you, Burr, and Jefferson work out your differences?

 **Turtles:** If so, this could have waited until lunch break

 **Hamslice:** thats not it

 **Hamslice:** im gonna die

 **Hamslice:** everyone here is gonna die

 **Mistress:** What are you talking about, love?

 **Hamslice:** theres a shooter here

 **Mistress:** Oh shit

 **Hamslice:** i

 **Elizard:** Calling the police right now!

 **Elizard:** I can’t handle losing you again

 **Hamslice:** i don’t want to die

 **Hamslice:** i love all of you

 **Turtles:** just hold on! Help is on the way!

 **Hamslice:** and all of the children

 **Hamslice:** i am fickin terrified

 **Hamslice:** i don’t want to quarter-orphan the children

 **Hamslice:** especially not Eliza Jr.

 **Turtles:** You are going to live long enough to see her.

 **Elizard:** just stay in your office and keep quiet

 **Elizard:** maybe he (?) won’t find you that way

 **Turtles:** I’m calling Von Steuben maybe he can get the ambulance already on its way

 **Mistress:** calm down. hyperventilating won’t help

 **Hamslice:** thanks guys

 **Hamslice:** for everything

* * *

 **“Family Burr”** ****

**_(group consists of_ ** **Aaron** ** _,_ ** **Theooo** ** _, and_ ** **LouLou** ** _)_ **

 

 **Aaron:** So, I might not make it home.

 **Theooo:** you’re doing longer hours when Lou is performing in her play.

 **Aaron:** Sadly, no

 **Aaron:** There is a shooter and I might die

 **LouLou:** Dad?

 **Aaron:** I hope that I will come home

 **Aaron:** but if I don’t, please know that I love you two, and John as well

 **Aaron:** Theo, I know of you and Angelica Hamilton, and if that’s your choice, then I will accept it.

 **Aaron:** I love you

* * *

 **“HamFam”** ****

**_(group consists of_ ** **Pops** ** _,_ ** **Dad** ** _,_ ** **Mom** ** _,_ ** **Frances** ** _,_ ** **Mama Maria** ** _,_ ** **Pip** ** _,_ ** **Angie** ** _,_ ** **susan** ** _,_ ** **AJ** ** _,_ ** **Jamie** ** _, and_ ** **Johnny _)_**

 

 **Pops:** Kids, I love all of you.

 **Pops:** And I hope that all of you find your way in life and become happy.

 **Pops:** Sadly, it might be without me.

 **Frances:** what are you talking about?

 **Pops:** There is no gentle way to say it, but I might be shot any minute.

 **Pops:** I hope that I won’t die, but

 **Pops:** I wanted to make sure I said Goodbye

 **Pops:** just

 **Pops:** just in case

 **Pops:** ¡Los amo a todos!

* * *

**“LAFAYETTE”**

**_(group consists of_ ** **Gilbert** ** _,_ ** **Adri** ** _,_ ** **Ana** ** _,_ ** **V** ** _, and_ ** **Georges** ** _)_ **

 

 **Gilbert:** Je vous aime tous du fond de mon coeur

 **Gilbert:** Je pourrais mourir d’une minute à l’autre

 **Gilbert:** Et je devais m'assurer que vous le saviez

 **V:** Qu'est ce qui se passe, papa?

 **Adri:** Ouais, qu'est-ce qui se passe?

 **Gilbert:** Il y a un tireur

* * *

**Dolley <3**

 

I love you, you know that, right?

Yes, James, I know.

Why do you ask?

I wanted to make sure.

James.

Something is wrong here.

And you will tell me what it is.

You should be called in any minute

There’s a shooter here.

* * *

**Martha**

 

Martha, I love you

I love you, too, George

You’ve been typing for almost two minutes now, are you okay?

No

I’m afraid not.

There is a shooter here.

And I want you to know that.

Oh my God

Do your best to stay alive, will you.

If I am going to die to safe Lafayette, then I will.

Xey is the only one currently in the room with me and I will be staying closer to the door.

I hope you know what you are doing

Believe me, I do as well.

* * *

**“Family”**

**_(group consists of_ ** **Dad** ** _,_ ** **Martha** ** _, and_ ** **Maaary** ** _)_ **

 

 **Dad:** I love both of you very much

 **Dad:** And Mary, if you want to date a Hamilspawn, if he makes you happy, then so be it

 **Martha:** Dad, what’s wrong?

 **Maaary:** You’re never like this.

 **Dad:** I am currently facing death in the form of a shooter.

* * *

 **“Revolutionary Set”**  

 **_(group consists of_ ** **3PintsOfSamAdams** ** _,_ ** **LockUpYourHorses** ** _,_ ** **C’estMoi** ** _, and_ ** **IfYouStandForNothing** **_)_ **

 

 **IfYouStandForNothing:** Goodbye Herc.

 **IfYouStandForNothing:** It was always a pleasure to know you.

 **C’estMoi:** I agree with Alex.

 **C’estMoi:** This isn’t how I thought this would end.

 **IfYouStandForNothing:** Neither did I.

 **3PintsOfSamAdams:** This is NOT ending now.

 **LockUpYourHorses:** guys, what’s wrong

* * *

**“for the children’s sake”**

**_(group consists of_ ** **A.Ham** ** _,_ ** **A.Burr** ** _,_ ** **TJeffs** ** _,_ ** **GWash** ** _,_ ** **JMads** ** _, and_ ** **Lafayette** ** _)_ **

 

 **JMads:** I can’t hear him anymore

 **JMads:** is he actually gone?

 **TJeffs:** I have no idea

 **Lafayette:** neither have i

 **A.Burr:** im sitting under a desk, with my phone on minimum brightness and in silent mode

 **GWash:** it’s too silent.

 **GWash:** i don’t trust it

 **A.Ham:** Madison, doesn’t Dolley work at the police?

 **JMads:** yes…

 **A.Ham:** might she have information then

 **TJeffs:** sounds like a good idea

 **JMads:** I can check

* * *

**Dolley <3**

 

Do you have any news?

It’s really quiet here, but everyone is still too afraid to come out of hiding

That’s probably a good idea.

Arnold is claiming that he got the shooter, but we know better than to trust him by now

Thank you for the update

I love you

* * *

**“for the children’s sake”**

**_(group consists of_ ** **A.Ham** ** _,_ ** **A.Burr** ** _,_ ** **TJeffs** ** _,_ ** **GWash** ** _,_ ** **JMads** ** _, and_ ** **Lafayette** ** _)_ **

 

 **JMads:** Dolley says that they MAY have gotten him but we shouldn’t come out quite yet.

 **A.Ham:** Does that mean that-

 **A.Ham:** Nevermind, that would just be jinxing it.

 **A.Burr:** So now we just wait for it?

 **GWash:** I would assume so.

 **TJeffs:** great

 **Lafayette:** we should be thankful that we’re all still alive.

 **A.Ham:** now laf jinxed it

 **TJeffs:** don’t say that

 **A.Burr:** really, i’d rather you not

* * *

 **“HamFam”** ****

**_(group consists of_ ** **Pops** ** _,_ ** **Dad** ** _,_ ** **Mom** ** _,_ ** **Frances** ** _,_ ** **Mama Maria** ** _,_ ** **Pip** ** _,_ ** **Angie** ** _,_ ** **susan** ** _,_ ** **AJ** ** _,_ ** **Jamie** ** _, and_ ** **Johnny** ** _)_ **

 

 **Pip:** Pops, I just got out of class.

 **Pip:** Please tell me you’re okay

 **Angie:** Agreed

 **susan:** i’m worried

 **Johnny:** I’m terrified.

 **AJ:** I’m having flashbacks of The Accident We Do Not Speak Of

 **Jamie:** why did you need to mention that?

 **Jamie:** the literal name tells you not to mention it

 **Jamie:** but Pops, please say you’re fine

 **Pops:** I’m not officially out of danger

 **Pops:** but I’m alive and physically unharmed

 **Dad:** That’s wonderful.

 **Mom:** John!

 **Dad:** i mean the second part

 **Mama Maria:** sure you did john

 **Pip:** Please don’t do that right now

 **Pip:** Or if you have to, do it in your other chat.

 **AJ:** yeah, we’ve learned to tolaerate it, but rn we’re too tense

 **AJ:** *tolerate

* * *

**“LAFAYETTE”**

**_(group consists of_ ** **Gilbert** ** _,_ ** **Adri** ** _,_ ** **Ana** ** _,_ ** **V** ** _, and_ ** **Georges** ** _)_ **

 

 **Gilbert:** Nous pourrions être en sécurité. Nous pourrions survivre.

 **Georges:** J'espère vraiment.

 **Ana:** Comme nous tous, Georges.

* * *

**“Family Burr”**

**_(group consists of_ ** **Aaron** ** _,_ ** **Theooo** ** _, and_ ** **LouLou** ** _)_ **

 

 **Aaron:** I don’t want to celebrate prematurely, but it seems like we might be safe.

* * *

 ******“for the children’s sake”**

 **_(group consists of_ ** **A.Ham** ** _,_ ** **A.Burr** ** _,_ ** **TJeffs** ** _,_ ** **GWash** ** _,_ ** **JMads** ** _, and_ ** **Lafayette** ** _)_ **

 

 **TJeffs:** fuck

 **TJeffs:** Did anyone else hear that shot?

 **A.Ham:** I did.

 **A.Burr:** It seemed to come from above.

 **JMads:** You’re on floor 5 with me, right?

 **A.Burr:** yes

 **A.Ham:** that means it was our floor.

 **A.Ham:** and since it’s neither Jefferson nor me

 **A.Ham:** and honestly no one really cares about most others that means…

 **A.Burr:** fuck

 

* * *

  **“Revolutionary Set”**

 **_(group consists of_ ** **3PintsOfSamAdams** ** _,_ ** **LockUpYourHorses** ** _,_ ** **C’estMoi** ** _, and_ ** **IfYouStandForNothing** ** _)_ **

 

 **IfYouStandForNothing:** we’re 90% sure that either laf or gwash was just shot at.

 **3PintsOfSamAdams:** fuck

 **LockUpYourHorses:** and xey are not denying it

 **3PintsOfSamAdams:** Von Steuben and the ambulance are there though

 **3PintsOfSamAdams:** so that might be something

* * *

 ******Dolley <3**

 

We have him

It’s safe now

Thank Goodness

Are Washington and Lafayette fine?

Lafayette, yes, physically

And Washington?

He seems to have taken a bullet intended for Lafayette

It hit him in the lower back and he’s on the way to hospital right now

Fuck

At least it could have been worse.

Small mercies.

**Author's Note:**

> TRANSLATIONS (in order of appearance:
> 
>  **Lafayette:** I don't want to die.
> 
> * * *
> 
>  **Pops:** I love you all!
> 
> * * *
> 
>  **Gilbert:** I love all of you from the bottom of my heart.
> 
>  **Gilbert:** I might die any minute.
> 
>  **Gilbert:** And I needed to make sure all of you know.
> 
>  **V:** What's happening, Dad?
> 
>  **Adri:** Yeah, what's going on?
> 
>  **Gilbert:** There is a shooter
> 
> * * *
> 
>  **Gilbert:** We might be safe. We might survive.
> 
>  **Georges:** I really hope so.
> 
>  **Ana:** We all do, Georges.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Sooo, there's technically a prequel in the works.  
> It's not gonna be any happier.


End file.
